The phone alarms chirped us awake at 7 am having slept through the night. Teeth brushed we jumped in the car for an early morning lift into town apologising to our hosts for their forced early start. We were due to hire bikes and were following the shops (Thai style) instructions which led us straight to the wrong shop. After a couple of phone calls and some searching (where Em managed to obtain her morning coffee) we eventually found our target and we’re introduced to our guide (and shop owner ‘A’) and George who was a hard knock 70 year old Scottish expat. He worked on the rigs and rode his mtb for fun and was fit as a fiddle. George was our sweeper and his job was to ride last and make sure neither of us got lost in the jungle. Next we met our steeds for the day, a couple of basic Giant hardtails fitted with a bottle of iced water. After the safety brief…..which consisted of ‘You follow me’ we were off, rolling into the Thai traffic negotiating a swarm of mopeds then crossing the road through a grand archway into a large golden roofed temple area.
We slipped out the back of the temple into some local back alleys, the type the tourist rarely sees. They were too small for cars and seemed to be mainly used by mopeds and tuk tuks. There was a drainage ditch to our left and as our shadows crept over the waters surfaced we startled a couple of Black winged stilts (possibly) who exploded into the air squeaking abuse at us. We very cautiously crossed a train line as the alleys got quieter and greener. Past a small lake that sat in front of yet another temple we spotted a large electric blue kingfisher flying low across the the surface and landing gracefully on a perch. Picture perfect. We now cycled along some sandy scrub over loose dry sand and staying upright became quite challenging. Now we started to enter the jungle and were soon brushing past vegetation and ducking under branches yesterday’s new friends (spider and snake) pushed their way to the front of my brain. Flinching and grimacing everytime I touched a leaf. This was added too by the fact that the low vegetation looked like stingy nettles (thankfully stingless) and the sudden appearance on the trail of pockets of loose sand meant that I mainly riding in a unusual and often panicked style.
Our guide pointed out several bushes and trees to avoid as they were armed with hidden thorns that were well hidden, so hard to pick out when you were moving at speed. As we cycled the trails a selection of butterfly’s would float past us but never settle for a photograph. We cruised around for a bit playing on the trails which were mostly rough and washed out but sometimes smooth enough to get some good flow going. At one point I got cocky and went too fast and as I cornerned a pocket of sand sent me off the trail towards a bush whose hidden thorns tore at my exposed right arm and released some claret. Nothing serious. We came to another lake with more kingfishers. Em had a puncture, and really enjoyed the fact that for once she didn’t have to fix it herself as the guide insisted. As we headed out of the jungle we came to the last loose rocky descent and after A issued a warning of steep loose rocky danger Em offered George to go before her so he could enjoy the drop instead of being held up. Unfortunately half way down George took a tumble and took a chunk out of his brow and his knee and probably his pride. He seemed ok though, we cycled on. A showed us the pineapple fields and Em was again amazed that they grew on small plants not palm trees, something she had already learnt on this trip. After taking some local short cuts and riding along the railway line we eventually got back to the shop after 3 hours in the saddle.
Our guide recommended a coffee shop and Thai food place to us so we set off for an early lunch. The shop had oat milk and Em got an iced coffee and I also treated myself to a rare caffeinated cup to keep the buzz going after the ride. We went to the food stall where the workers were watching daytime Thai tv. The people here are so polite and professional when it comes to service, I have never seen anything like it. They earn their tips for sure but I guess that might be the reward that has evolved this level of service on top of their natural kindness. I had tofu pad Thai and spring rolls and Em had Thai omelette and spring roll. I upped my game and sprinkled extra chilli on my shiny noodles. They were delicious.
We then decided we would try and walk the 20 km home through the resort and onto the beach. Nobody else seemed to be walking but for me it was the perfect pace to absorb the place and people. Having now discovered massages they always seemed to be on my mind and after a couple of hours we slipped into a cool massage house for an hour long foot massage. As always the lady washed our feet and we apologised for the dirt and dust from the road and trail. Soon we were sat in comfy armchairs with experienced hands pawing away the aches of our tired feet. An hour flew by and then we were back on the road and we soon encountered signs that got my heart racing ‘do not feed the monkeys’ and a childhood dream of wanting to be robbed by a monkey came back to me. Now every step taken was done so scanning for monkey action. After a couple of kilometers I gave up and we cut down a side street towards the beach.
All of a sudden Em shouted monkey and I followed her finger and there it was, my first wild monkey sat by the side of the road looking like a hairy Victor Meldrew. Awesome. We soon spotted others lurking around and I managed to get close enough to take a picture and regretted not buying some bananas to hang out of my pocket to entice these hairy rogues to mug me. We hit the beach and it was tourist central. All sun beds and lookey lookey….at least for a few hundred yards then normal service resumed. Some Thais were out on longboards catching a few waves (tiddlers). As we walked along the beach we noticed millions of tiny crabs escaping our feet and darting down their holes. It’s was a long long beach and we had to get to the other side so I decided to run my first Asian 5 km. Sandals off and in my rucksack I opted for barefoot. Em preferred to walk so I said I would run back to her when I finished. The run was ok as the sea breeze was cooling and I could move along that thin layer of water the retreating waves left behind. The rhythmic splashes cooling my legs and hypnotising my mind. When I hit 4 km I turned and ran back to Em. Easy beach navigation done we now had to work out how to walk back to the house. Google came in handy for our walking route but it does not have filters for spiders, snakes or angry packs of dogs. Off the beach straight into scrub I used a stick to beat the ground in front of us to ironically scare off the very creatures I was desperate to see.
We eventually came out on a road and I got to have a close look at a squashed bright green tree snake which was a beautiful and surprisingly soft creature. Around the next corner was a full platoon of angry street dogs. We had no other way to go, they were kicking off and barking psyching each other up for the attrack and the delicacy of some pale tourist legs. This was a big pack, 20 plus. I discarded my stick and upgraded to a sturdier piece of bamboo, as we edged closer the barking had brought out a thai guy who shouted and launched some stones at the dogs. The stones seemed to work so I scrabbled for some from the dusty ground (to use to scare, not to hit) and by the time I had turned around the dogs had melted away into the roadside vegetation. We carefully stalked past the area where they were last seen, checking the low level tunnels through the greenery. We made it past safely and were glad when we reached a populated area. We then had to cross a railway line and a busy road before safely returning to the right side of the track and the home straight. It was a real pleasure to shower and slip into the cool silky pool after an active day in the heat
The fun didn’t stop there as we went on a family outing to the night food market. We arrived just as darkness was falling and the colourful lanterns were just starting to twinkle. The place was packed with food and people. We were all hungry, but I had a full storm of hangriness brewing, so we opted for a quick smash and grab first course to stave away the edginess. There were all sorts here and if I still ate meat or fish there’s a good chance I would have ended up bankrupt. First course was tornado potatoe (twirly potato on a stick sprinkled with seaweed salt) corn on the cob, tofu pad Thai and iced berry smoothy. Devoured with gusto and very delicious. The bustle and excitement for me was intense, I felt like a kid in a toy shop, with a gold card! Next up Em had some gyzoa and I had spicy pounded mango salad, delicious and as I just I was saying to the others that it was not too spicy a chili bomb detonated in my mouth. There were some chilis hidden in there. Small ones that like small dogs, have big attitudes! Emma then had bubble waffles and her Dad and Joy returned to the table with some treats for me. A legendary durian fruit and some mango sticky rice. I held my nose shut as I ate the durian and felt like I’d won the durian lottery, it tasted delicious to me, like a dessert version of an avocado. I bravely sniffed it and there was no really bad smell (this was a Chinese durian as Thai were not in season and I was told they weren’t anywhere near as wifey as the real deal). The mango rice is a Thai desert that resembles a dry rice pudding. Coconut cream poured over the rice spooned into your mouth with a piece of juicy fresh mango is a magnificent experience. I can see why this is so popular. What a day, what a night!
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